Final Snapshots

For the final newsletter, the Sound Bytes and Snapshots section are in a different format. The Sound Bytes are in the next section, Non-Governmental Organizations based in Tanzania. For the Snapshots section, I have included my journal entries for my last few weeks on the other side of the ocean.

July 2nd, 2010
I thought I was wealthy-
Then I saw people who allowed the Spirit to move them.
I thought I was privileged-
Then I learned about my blindness.
I thought I was positive-
Then I met people who made less than $100 per month to support
two people, lived away from their family and still shone with light.
I thought I was friendly-
Then I met the ELCSA Youth League members.
I thought I was strong-
Then I learned that true strength comes from letting go of control.
I thought I understood how to love selflessly-
Then I lived in an ubuntu culture.
I thought I was self-aware-
Then I realized how much I have grown and how self-centered I
have been.
I thought I knew how to live faithfully-
Then I watched others joyfully take leaps of faith.
I thought I lived through love-
Then I realized how much I analyze and strategize first.
I thought I was mature-
Now I realize how much I still have to learn.

July 2nd, 2010
Can you feel it? The Spirit – it is here!

July 11th, 2010
Luke 10:25-37 The Parable of the Good Samaritan
In many ways, they [my fellow church members for the last year] are my Samaritans. Helping me when I am lost (especially in the Zulu language), giving me food and lodging, and picking up the tabs.
I’m still in denial that I am leaving my family. Wow-I didn’t even hesitate to write, “my family”. Not “host family”, “family”. What am I doing-coming and leaving these communities? Yet, we’ll stay connected-in Christ, in love.

July 19th, 2010
I am here in this place, Tanzania. The people are warm. Their eyes lead to their souls. They say, “Karibu”, meaning you are welcome in Swahili. “Asante” we say in response, meaning thank you in Swahili.
July 26th, 2010
Wow. God. What are you doing in my life? I feel so blessed. As the DAR Express bus transports John and me back to Dar Es Salaam [the largest city in Tanzania] from Arusha, the last week seems to be a whirlwind of blessings. You took care of us every step of the way. We connected with amazing people in the most surprising places: the pastor played guitar and sang in the guest house yesterday with us; our housemates in Arusha, Mike and Sharon; ELCA missionaries; girls serving food on the street; all the people we ask for directions; people at the craft market… I feel connected. Wow. What amazing brothers and sisters I have. Now, how do we walk beside one another to make the world a better place-or allow ourselves to be tools of the Holy Spirit?  I feel more needs to be done on the US side of relations to ensure the system is not used to exploit people. Sigh-I see movies, documentaries, or people’s lives and want to do something, but I can’t do everything, nor am I called to. I don’t feel lost, I just don’t know what I am doing next. If you, God, guided me through this past week, then how could I not trust you to guide the rest of my life? God, please walk, or ride, with me every day.

“The Europeans came
They brought their modernity,
And made us dizzy.”
- a Swahili saying

July 28th, 2010
I’m reading Blue Like Jazz, which spurs in me many spiritual questions. Why do we attend church? Attending church solely via our bodies does no good-do we just attend to nourish our bodies? Or just our minds? If we want to be moved in mind, body and spirit-we need to engage with all three-not just stand and sing words, then leave. Plus church isn’t just about us-Christianity is about loving God and our neighbors. Does our church do social outreach? Do we help our neighbors?

July 29th, 2010
Sometimes I want God to speak to me in audible words. Then from somewhere inside I sense: “Isn’t this enough?” I look around at the beautiful nature around me and soak up the beauty and feel wonder. I lower my head with a smile and respond, “Yes, it is. Yes, it is.”

August 1st, 2010
“But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well. Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.” - Matthew 6:33-34, the Gospel reading at Azania Front Lutheran Church in Dar Es Salaam

August 7th, 2010
I just want to cry. We went to the Apartheid Museum and then the Hector Peterson Museum about the 1976 Soweto uprising. Why. Why. Why can’t we see the humanity in other people? How can we hurt others? How do we put ourselves-our power-over the lives of others? How do we loose our humanity? What are we afraid of? And they [the people with “black skin”] smile back at us [the people with “white skin”]. Why would I ever want to leave [South Africa]? They [South Africans] welcome us [ELCA volunteers] with warm smiles that light up their faces. Why are they [those people not classified as “white” under the Apartheid government, particularly blacks] so resilient and forgiving? I do not feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for those who do not know their secret to life-not requiring power that oppresses others. These people around me were told that they were worth less than gold because of the color of their skin. Oh humanity. God, why do you give us such capacity? Yet, we defile your gifts by acting out our hatred. We deserve less. God, what good did you expect by giving us so much? Help us to overcome, overcome ourselves. The human spirit-where does the joy come from? – from you.

We Shall Overcome (an anthem of the US Civil Rights Movement)

We shall overcome, we shall overcome,
We shall overcome someday;
Oh, deep in my heart, I do believe,
We shall overcome someday.

How do we call ourselves Christians when we do such awful things?

First victim…

A bullet burnt
Into soft dark flesh

A child fell

Liquid life
Rushed hot
To stain the earth

He was the first victim

And now
Let grieving the willows
Mark the spot
Let nature raise a monument
Of flowers and trees
Lest we forget the foul and the wicked deed…

Don Mattera, 1976, from “Azanian Love Song”

God. help me to serve your just and loving purpose. Help me to connect with people and empathize with their pain so we may empower one another to live life to its fullest-living love and growing from our mistakes and continually trying to right our wrongs. God, may I follow your will-wherever you guide me. May I live a life worthy of your calling-may I be willing to die for those gifts from above that give me life-love, peace, joy.  Thank you for the gift of love and showing me the light that shines in your people.

“Black consciousness seeks to instill the idea of self-determination to restore feelings of pride and dignity to blacks after centuries of racist oppression. It is an attitude of mind and a way of life. It is the realization that the most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” – Steve Biko

August 8th, 2010
And… we’re back at the Sunflower Bed and Breakfast [where the ELCA-YAGM South Africa 2009-2010 program stayed their first night in South Africa in August 2009]. Full circle. This is so weird. I’ll be back in the US in two days. Two days. Have I really lived in South Africa for one year? Did all that really happen? Was I living in a dream?
Geese are flying overhead-seasons are changing. Life is changing. Yet, I could not have asked for a better foundation for my life. God, what have you done in my life? You have given me gifts beyond my comprehension in wonderful people and challenges and inspirations. Hold my hand, please, over these next two days. 