Mr. Mzila

August 2000 to date has brought more excruciating pain to my family than I imagined I could bear. Through natural death I have lost nine members. That being the case, one has to gracefully accept the harsh reality that befalls humanity from time to time.
At first it was the sister who was a twin with the other. Death struck after long illness that could have given one hope for recovery. In a matter of weeks my mother had to succumb to hypertension that had regulated her life since time immortal. One touchy moment about death is that, quite often, when one is less than three days from it all (through ill-health) one hardly ever communicates so there is no way to know what exactly is on the mind of the-soon-to-die. Further worthy of note in our culture, death is received as needing an unnatural cause. God’s retribution, anger of the ancestors or sheer witchcraft are just some of the “imagined” possibilities or causes.
When my sister, who had just qualified as a teacher, passed on, death had gradually gnawed at her that I could not recognize her on the deathbed breathing her last. Shape, skin and everything about her had completely changed. In fact, the doctor told me that she had died some two days before it actually happened! One death picture I have indelibly stuck on my mind is peace. All the anguish associated with illness suddenly disappears just before death. Just maybe that is proof enough that dying is the passage to somewhere else.
When my all-powerful dad fell in August 2006 the words escaped me for a moment. I had got myself used to attending to his every need. I was still communicating with him despite his failing brainpower. As if I could not stand the reality of death striking at that time, it was my youngest brother who was by his bedside when he breathed his last. His failing life should have alerted me of his final demise but alas it would not be! As I look back on my father’s life, he served as a model of strength and character for me. In all the days of my life I had only once seen my father cry; that was when mother’s corpse was ushered in for a night vigil. The visual imprint remains as vivid as ever, only less painful now.
My two nephews moved on at different times, though it was death after another but each with the weight and gloom of its own. The fact that we have gone through all this in such a short space of time makes us neither wiser nor stronger about what the future still holds. On the contrary though, death gives one inner strength, peace and acceptance. As it is said elsewhere, “death is the necessary end to life”. So, in dealing with it, we have to be graceful as we can be. Incidentally my family graveyard is on the other side of our gate in full view as one moves in and out. We, then, can’t be shedding a tear or two day in and day out.
My conclusion would be that what befell us did and no amount of wishful thinking would make the reality an atom less harsher. Death is a cause for reverence, humbleness, pain, and finally acceptance and celebration. The latter is because of good life thrust upon us however undeserved.